My baby is 1!!!

Yes, she is one. This morning when I leaned into her face and said happy birthday and she smiled and said "momma," I almost lost it. My baby. Daddy was with the kids today but I came home at lunch to sing to her. We always had a tradition growing up that you always got a candle shoved into something adn everyone gathered around to sing the three verse Happy Birthday song. Yes, we have three verses. However, my little family only does the first one! So I ran home and we had a cupcake. She was so cute trying to blow out her candle. And then she dug into the cupcake. ONE! The year went to fast. This morning when I first woke up I remembered her little tiny figure in my arms. She is my princess. My angel. Here is a devotional that I wrote at the beginning of my angel's year. I thought it woudl be fitting as I now play and laugh with a healthy, beautiful one year old girl. *sniff*

Surrender

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your path.”
Proverbs 3:5-6


She was coughing, choking, and turning colors and I was powerless to stop it.

It was late in the afternoon and my husband was at school. My one year old son was playing quietly on the floor and I was trying to get a burp out of his three week old sister.

As I had her on my lap, I began to pat her back. She started to cough and then it moved into a choke. I looked down at her and it looked like she had stopped breathing. She was quickly moving from a bright red to a purple. Screaming I grabbed for the phone, not sure who it was I was trying to call. At that moment she started to cough again and her color began to come back to normal.

That was the first episode of many that my daughter would have over the next week. They began to come more frequent and more intense. She was now coughing all of the time and not just when she would eat.

When it was happening, a fear would rip through me. “Oh no God! Not again.”

At first I was upset. Why is this happening to her. A little innocent baby. Then I began to plead with God. Just let her sleep through this hour peacefully. I felt lost without any may or compass to guide me.

People continued to try and reassure me. “She is in God’s hands.” I know my mind said as my heart raced. “Everything will be ok” people called to say. “Maybe I thought as tears filled my eyes.

My newborn daughter was hurting and I was as powerless to stop it as I was able to call down the moon. “We set up an appointment for her at Pittsburgh Hospital, “ the doctor said.

Frustrated, hurt, and mostly defeated, I sat at home and held my daughter closer. “God, I know that Your Word says that all things work together for good. Please help me to find the good, the point, in all of this.”

The next day at the doctor’s office, I ran across a family friend. She listened with concern and of course said that she would be praying for us. As we were called and walked back to our examine room, she called out to me. “Theresa, just remember that God loves Rachel, even more than you do.”

A simple yet profound statement. I began to think on that and realize that God was working with us. He could protect and heal little Rachel.

The next day was the day we were going to take Rachel to Pittsburgh. We woke before the sun rose to begin the journey. When we stopped to get gas, I stayed in the car with the baby. Looking at her, so tiny and helpless, I began to cry. “Please God, I began to pray. But then my prayer took another turn. Instead of praying again for a healing, I handed over control. “God,” I started again. “I give her to you. I place her in your hand and ask that you do as you will. I know that you love her more than I do and will take care of her no matter what. Help me to give her.”

For the first time in weeks, I felt peace. I gave the control to where it should have been all along. People are funny about control. Maybe that is why who holds the remote control is the joke of the ages. We all want to hold on.

We say that we trust God. We love God. Of course God’s way is the best way. But when our control is taken away we crumble. “No God,” we say as we grab for the steering wheel. “I need to go this way.” “No, we need to do it like this,” we complain as we take the pen from His hand.

Finally, it comes down to this: God is either your God or He is not. We can’t put Him on the shelf and pull Him down when we think that we need His help or intervention. He is Lord over all of your life or none of it at all. He is Lord over your family or He is not.

Rachel now is better. They discovered that she had a respiratory viral infection that her body had to fight off. Praise God. But I know that for me, the victory came that dark morning, sitting in the parking lot of an almost empty gas station. Just me, God, and a prayer of surrender.

God thank-you so much for your ever present help. You are such a good God. Thank-you for carrying me in the rough times and helping me see the beauty in it all.