Hold Me Jesus

Hold Me Jesus- Rich Mullens
Well, sometimes my life Just don't make sense at all When the mountains look so big And my faith just seems so small
CHORUS: So hold me Jesus, 'cause I'm shaking like a leaf You have been King of my glory Won't You be my Prince of Peace
And I wake up in the night and feel the dark It's so hot inside my soul I swear there must be blisters on my heart
Surrender don't come natural to me I'd rather fight You for something I don't really want Than to take what You give that I need And I've beat my head against so many walls Now I'm falling down, I'm falling on my knees
And this Salvation Army band Is playing this hymn And Your grace rings out so deep It makes my resistance seem so thi
You have been King of my glory Won't You be my Prince of Peace

When I first heard this song I was in a pretty dark place. It was right when I was deciding what I wanted to do about school, where I thought God wanted me, where I was going to live. It was a scary, scary time. I remember listening to this song, in a dark kitchen and crying out to Jesus. And He seemed to real. So ready to take care of everything for me. In reality things were bad. I was lost and scared and alone. But I had Jesus so I had everything I needed.
Now, I face again another dark time. A time I thought was behind me. It hit me without warning (again), left me feeling empty (again), broken (again). I came across this song again. I want to be strong. To be the one who says I know it is going to be ok. But I said that once. And everything fell apart. I made a list of all the things I know God has done for me. I have listen to praise songs. Read scripture. But pray for me. I would greatly appreciate it.

Never, ever again

I walked into the room to view my husband with machines hooked up to him. Round circular suctions on his chest, beeping monitoring his heart, blood pressure cuffs on taking his pressure. My usually big, loud, full of life husband looked so tiny and WHITE with his hospital gown on. The nurse must have seen MY colorless face because she quickly said "let's wake him up for ya." He did wake up slowly and I walked over to his bed. He looked up at me and said... "I'm starving."
Scott was in the hospital getting his colonoscopy and the down the throat thingy (don't know the name of that one.) But seeming him that hospital bed made me decide one thing. No more. He is not allowed to ever get sick or hurt. He is the strong one. The healthy one. The one who makes you laugh and leaves you with a smile. No more hospitals for him! I personally can't take it.
They didn't find anything by the way. Which upset Scott. he didn't want them to find something serious but he did want them to find something. He is in pain and he is sick. So back to the drs. in 2 weeks. Keep him in your prayers.

"Tis it true Phil??

I must say that I completely forgot that it was groundhogs day until I arrived at work this morning. As I walked through the halls, a giant groundhog was staring at me. The creature was here to greet the children. Then when I went into the classroom it was all the kids were talking about.
In case you don't know, Groundhogs Day is a PA holiday where we rip the furry creature from his nice comfy, hibernating bed and ask him to tell us if we should plan on packing up the sweaters early or bury ourselves in our houses for 6 more weeks.
I may have missed the actual tv presentation but no fear, a teacher's aid recorded it for us. So after 10 or so very long and drawn out minutes, Phil did not see his shadow. Did not scurry back into his hole. And so it goes we are suppose to have an early spring. Oh, one could dream. We all know how I feel about snow. And today pushed me to the limit. Early spring he says while I dig and dig my van out of teh snow drift that was created in an hour. My husband says he believes it though. He says the snow is going to be on its way out. Such the eternal optimist I married.
All I know it thank God it is February. January is over. Hooray! And February is a short month, and off to March where we will hopefully start to warm up a little! Not sure if I believe but I hope you are right Phil!!

I heard my baby

I heard my baby's heartbeat. It always amazes me. Every single time. When I was preg with Will, Scott came with me to my first appointment. It was at 8 weeks and they didn't even try to find one. At the second one, Scott coudln't come. So Jenn drove me but waited in the van cause her two little ones were sleeping. I walk into the room not knowing what to expect and she pulls out the heartbeat thingy. (ALthough I didn't know that was what that was at the time) She says let's see if we can get a heartbeat. And in an instant there he was. Loud and clear and I felt like I couldn't breathe. Of course teh nurse, assistant or who ever she was said yep there it is adn quickly pulled it away to make a note on her chart. ( did not like that place at ALL) There she is acting like it was no big deal and I just heard someone elses heart beat beating inside of me. I didn't start to cry until after I left the office. And I felt that way hearing all of Will's heart beats.
Then there was Rachel. A new doctor (Thank heavens). He smiled a great big smile and said here's the baby. He left teh first time we hear her heartbeat last long and loud. Again I was amazed. And this time was equally breath taking. My dr. (same as the one with Rachel) was tryign to find the heartbeat. It was taking a bit but he kept trying. Then my heart was beating so loud (worried) that he said he didn't know if he could pick the baby's up. But then there it was. My breathe caught in my throat as I heard it. There it is the Dr. said. I smiled and listened. That's my baby.
I know I am preg when that 2nd little line appears. But I never FEEL preg until after I hear that sound. That beautiful thump-thump. Yep, here comes baby. And by the way, my ultra sound is scheduled for Feb 14th. Anyone care to guess boy or girl?????